Dog Days and Wolf Nights

Grey blue eyes look up to the night
and wide mouths howl their prayers.
In the frost of the dark they bay welcome
To their distant deity above.

The bright orb smiles down beautifically
a benevolence they rarely receive
so the gaping maws and the wagging tails
revel and cavort in its pale cool light.

Cold Heart

The cold hearted girl feels the thaw

of little icicles as they fall off her heart

and she blames him, that boy -

that wolf eyed boy who smiles at her

and sniffs her with his aquiline nose.

She stamps her foot and pouts,

pulling her frosty shawl tighter.

She scrutinises the words he writes,

tries to pull apart their meaning and

stares them down until they cower.

But the icicles are still falling

And her heart is still thawing

So up come the words to be stroked

and kised until they shiver with pleasure.

Early Days

At the first smell of Autumn
Your jaguar cat and your neighbour at dawn
And your friend in the car park
At Maidstone East station
All turned to each other
And whispered the news.
They're painting the gate
To their memory lane.

This is courtesy of DSW, an angel in wolf's clothing...Nice innit

Wasted Perfection

Imagine Seeing a body unscarred

Left clean of the marks of motherhood

Smooth skin without ripples or flaws

Stretched tight over un dammaged muscles.

Imagine the feel of high, full breasts

never bullied by tiny mouths and fists

A firmness with a give and return

A natural resistance not yet lost to age.

Imagine a stomach without the empty pouch

Without the tiger stripes of reproduction

a stomach whose insides have never been pushed aside

Rudely displaced by expanding life.

Imagine a body, so ripe and ready

Aching to be plucked from the barren tree

The last fruit swaying high in the branches

Forlorn but never fallen, never fulfilled.

Irrational violence

Life with all its charms
falls daintily at my feet
turns up it's face and smiles
so I kick it in the teeth
and walk away, fast.

Lost

Big fat tears roll down my cheeks
Its done and gone, moved on.
Awkward times over a cup of tea
Looking out the window
listening to you and she
recount how your lives now mix.
And all I can think is
That should be me
Fuck, but that should be me.

Exhaustion

Mind numbing boredom
slow burn pain
energy seeps out
bone weary leaks in
through the gaps
left by you.

Lay my head down
just for a while
the closing of eyes
and closing of doors
change the sounds
change the sights.

Sleep now, slow the beat
down into darkness
warm and complete
away from the efforts
away from the push
silence is a release

The Space Between

A space is left behind, just a little hole, torn at the edges; It's the place where you used to be. I ripped you out and threw you away and now I am uncomfortably lighter. Its a strange feeling, slightly unbalanced, or as if I have forgotten to do something of vital importance. I know this feeling will fade and the tear will heal, but you had been there for so long you had grown to be a part of me, a part of who I am and so a part of me is gone, missed by the remainder of the whole.

I am left with the knowledge that in actual fact I meant little to you, that my feelings were of no consequence when compared to your desires and needs and that you actually felt much less for me than I ever felt for you. The fact that you obviously and repeatedly dismissed or diminished who I was in your life makes me feel very sorry for myself; I hate feeling sorry for myself.

I am sorry for you too, sorry that this is the world that you live in, that this is your experience of life. I couldn't live where you live, its too dark, the crush of the pressure too much and I wonder how you bear it day in, day out. I think that in time it will take its toll on you and I have only pity for you. One day I hope it will be the compassion you need, but for now pity is all I have.

Here is my lesson: Listen to my instinct, trust it wholeheartedly, no matter what the rest of me hears or feels or sees and never ever waver. My instinct is pure gold, 100% infalliable and I made the mistake of ignoring it; the little hints, the tapping of feet, clicking of tongue. I even managed to ignore the screams of disbelief and the cries of anguish as I set myself up for even more pointless anguish. Never again. Never, ever, again.