Here Comes The Night

It's a secret

2010-08-23T10:58:00.001Z

I think I might possibly be starting to love you.
Ssshhhhh, don't tell anyone.

Words for Rachael

2010-03-08T23:24:00.004Z

A broken heart is an ugly thing
All jagged and ripped and torn
It barely beats and keeps no rhythym
and holds weight that can scarcely be born.

A broken heart will brood in the dark
Guarding closely its sadness and shame
Not realising in its weakened state
The true beauty it yet retains.

But hearts will heal and the sun will warm
Your bones in their tired frame
To smile again and see once more
the hope that remains just the same.

So trust, my girl, trust my words
and those of your sisters true
that we, who walked in the dark before you
have survived and returned to bloom.

Vanish

2009-09-09T21:20:00.005Z

Look! I've spilled the words right down my chest
to fall and stain my favourite dress
The one I wore the day we met
when words meant less and looks meant more.

Not now though

Today the words are more than here
and leave no doubt as to where we are.
A bit bitter with just a hint of a twist
giving double meaning where one would do.

And I look at you

Thinking back to the time of looks and touches
when meanings were clear and the time was always now
I wonder if we could go back there
But then I look at me dress and think no.

Too many words now.

Dog Days and Wolf Nights

2008-11-11T23:28:00.002Z

Grey blue eyes look up to the night
and wide mouths howl their prayers.
In the frost of the dark they bay welcome
To their distant deity above.

The bright orb smiles down beautifically
a benevolence they rarely receive
so the gaping maws and the wagging tails
revel and cavort in its pale cool light.

Cold Heart

2008-10-12T20:43:00.003Z

The cold hearted girl feels the thaw

of little icicles as they fall off her heart

and she blames him, that boy -

that wolf eyed boy who smiles at her

and sniffs her with his aquiline nose.

She stamps her foot and pouts,

pulling her frosty shawl tighter.

She scrutinises the words he writes,

tries to pull apart their meaning and

stares them down until they cower.

But the icicles are still falling

And her heart is still thawing

So up come the words to be stroked

and kised until they shiver with pleasure.

Early Days

2008-10-09T15:05:00.002Z

At the first smell of Autumn
Your jaguar cat and your neighbour at dawn
And your friend in the car park
At Maidstone East station
All turned to each other
And whispered the news.
They're painting the gate
To their memory lane.

This is courtesy of DSW, an angel in wolf's clothing...Nice innit

Wasted Perfection

2008-04-23T14:46:00.002Z

Imagine Seeing a body unscarred

Left clean of the marks of motherhood

Smooth skin without ripples or flaws

Stretched tight over un dammaged muscles.

Imagine the feel of high, full breasts

never bullied by tiny mouths and fists

A firmness with a give and return

A natural resistance not yet lost to age.

Imagine a stomach without the empty pouch

Without the tiger stripes of reproduction

a stomach whose insides have never been pushed aside

Rudely displaced by expanding life.

Imagine a body, so ripe and ready

Aching to be plucked from the barren tree

The last fruit swaying high in the branches

Forlorn but never fallen, never fulfilled.

Irrational violence

2008-03-25T07:08:00.003Z

Life with all its charms
falls daintily at my feet
turns up it's face and smiles
so I kick it in the teeth
and walk away, fast.

Lost

2008-03-16T21:06:00.002Z

Big fat tears roll down my cheeks
Its done and gone, moved on.
Awkward times over a cup of tea
Looking out the window
listening to you and she
recount how your lives now mix.
And all I can think is
That should be me
Fuck, but that should be me.

Exhaustion

2008-03-11T12:06:00.003Z

Mind numbing boredom
slow burn pain
energy seeps out
bone weary leaks in
through the gaps
left by you.

Lay my head down
just for a while
the closing of eyes
and closing of doors
change the sounds
change the sights.

Sleep now, slow the beat
down into darkness
warm and complete
away from the efforts
away from the push
silence is a release

The Space Between

2008-01-09T14:20:00.000Z

A space is left behind, just a little hole, torn at the edges; It's the place where you used to be. I ripped you out and threw you away and now I am uncomfortably lighter. Its a strange feeling, slightly unbalanced, or as if I have forgotten to do something of vital importance. I know this feeling will fade and the tear will heal, but you had been there for so long you had grown to be a part of me, a part of who I am and so a part of me is gone, missed by the remainder of the whole.

I am left with the knowledge that in actual fact I meant little to you, that my feelings were of no consequence when compared to your desires and needs and that you actually felt much less for me than I ever felt for you. The fact that you obviously and repeatedly dismissed or diminished who I was in your life makes me feel very sorry for myself; I hate feeling sorry for myself.

I am sorry for you too, sorry that this is the world that you live in, that this is your experience of life. I couldn't live where you live, its too dark, the crush of the pressure too much and I wonder how you bear it day in, day out. I think that in time it will take its toll on you and I have only pity for you. One day I hope it will be the compassion you need, but for now pity is all I have.

Here is my lesson: Listen to my instinct, trust it wholeheartedly, no matter what the rest of me hears or feels or sees and never ever waver. My instinct is pure gold, 100% infalliable and I made the mistake of ignoring it; the little hints, the tapping of feet, clicking of tongue. I even managed to ignore the screams of disbelief and the cries of anguish as I set myself up for even more pointless anguish. Never again. Never, ever, again.

First Thing

2007-12-19T12:01:00.000Z

"Snuggle down here Little One; we don’t have to get up just yet."

You smell delicious lying here next to me - like fresh baked bread: warm and indulgent and comforting. I can't help it, still after all these years, almost six now, I love the smell of your hair and I will steal a snuffle whenever I can. One day I guess you won’t want me to anymore, will brush me off with the disdain only a teen can muster and deliver, but for now you acquiesce with more grace than I deserve.

So there we both are with only our noses peeking out, it’s just us girls in my big bed. Our time before we really, really, really do have to get up and rush about like mad things to get out the door in time for school. We chat about nothing of consequence, we laugh at the cat – the third of our coven, who insists on being part of our morning ritual. Little One looks at me with her father’s eyes laid underneath my expressions and as sometimes happens, my voice catches as I notice that they also look like me mother’s eyes, but only sometimes.

I have often told Little One that her granny would have loved her, I mean really loved her. There are traits that all three of us hold and I have had day dreams of how much fun we would have had together, how they would have related to each other and how different life would be had my mother still been here.

She is not, nor ever will be, so it is just the two of us today, snuggled up warm and giggling in bed, avoiding the chill of the bedroom. I’m glad of this time we share, only little moments perhaps, but quietly precious to me.

“Oooh, I do love you Little One.”

“I love you too Mummy.”

Rested

2007-11-29T14:34:00.000Z

Is it wrong to feel better?

Is it wrong to feel lighter?

Is it wrong to feel free?

Yes.

So the guilt seeps in, just a little

through the cracks in my resolve

under the door to my stone heart

And I miss you, but just a bit.

Not the silence, not the rejection

not the distance, not the control

not the cowardice, not the judgement

not the disdain, not the mistrust.

But

Yes to the tender, yes to the grin

Yes to the insight, yes to the wisdom

Yes to the ridiculous, Yes to the inane

Yes to the chest, yes to the kiss.

A small sigh is allowed before continuing with the day.

Manifesto

2007-10-04T22:05:00.000Z

Love is not something you say,
Love is something you do;
So every day I will give to you
my heart remade brand new.
Every day I will kiss you
just like I did the first time.
Every day I will look at you
through fresh new eyes and stare
in wonder and awe that you are here.
Every day I will ask you to be with me,
To hold my hand, to laugh, to just be.
Every day I will do my best to be me,
the me you fell in love with
So that every day when we say I love you
It will be true.

Moon Dust Star Shine

2007-09-18T23:41:00.001Z

I am the dust of the universe,
I am the child of light,
Sunshine blasts right through me
And streams on through to night.
I am the mother of intention,
I am the cup of the soul,
Thoughts and deeds and bodies
combine to make up the whole.

Still Waters Run Deep

2007-09-18T23:24:00.000Z

When my heart opens the love gushes out,
A torrent that swells around you.
But you stand fast and strong,
Until the waters run still and calm.
Then you swim in my ocean -
Warm and safe and kind,
Allowing my love to support you.

Just a Smile

2007-08-30T10:55:00.001Z

Smile for me baby
Because it changes my world
Lights up this dark room
Like the brightest of days
A million watts coming at me
I bask in the warmth.

Smile for me baby
Because it changes my world
Pins me to the spot where I am
Like I'm wearing lead boots
A shiver I feel in my tummy
And the pleasure ripples out.

Smile for me baby
Because it changes my world
When I'm a little low, I feel lifted
Like you're holding my hand
Haul me up to your sunshine
You're my anchor and my wings.

Futility and an end to it

2007-08-29T16:16:00.000Z

A small hard knot of anger sits just to the right of my heart and it hurts. I am angry with you for putting me in this position, I am angry at you for raising the issue now, at the most inopportune times when I am in a different place and headed in a different direction, not open to but pulled by you.

I am in doubt, in fear and in confusion since you asked me what you would have to do to make me yours and left 40 roses on my doorstep. What would have happened if I had told you, would you have managed all the herculean tasks I require of my one true love? Or would you have resigned before starting the race?

What would you have done if I had said that I need you to never hide from me or shut me out ever again, you cannot ignore me, that you need to put me above all others, sometimes even your children, that you have to ask me to marry you? That I expect to be treated like a princess, not necessarily in fiscal terms but I should be left in no doubt as to where your sun rises and your moon sets. Never take me for granted, always remind me of how lucky we are to have found one another, give me flowers for no reason, kiss me in the middle of an argument to interrupt my pattern and make me remember why I love you, hold me when I cry and accept that I will cry, trust that in my heart I always have your best interests at my core, trust that there are women in the world who will not hurt you if you are open and continue to be open and that I am one of them. Even when I shout and am hysterical, weather the storm, then when I am calm and sorry, laugh at me so I can see the ridiculousness of my actions but not believe that I am aiming my barbs at you. Let me look after you and love you and hold your heart forever.

What would you have done if I had said all that to you? What would you have done if I had told why it will never happen, why I can't let go of the times before and all the things that have happened already. Why I believe I am simply a distraction to grief, to boredom, to a poisonous love that you don't want to be attracted back to but are oddly drawn. What if I told you that I still have the barb of betrayal when you were riding your high horse all the while fucking a woman who hates me with an unnatural passion so much that she frightens me, that I think less of you for going back and that I at some level I believe you would prefer it to be her. What if I told you I believe that you will tire of this new focus and decide that I am too much like hard work and perhaps you were mistaken all along? What if I told you that I don't trust you, you want so much to be independent that you don't share things with me that I would have enjoyed celebrating with you and that I believe you hid them to keep your options open with me. What would you say?

Dark Smile

2007-08-24T11:36:00.001Z

Eyes cast downwards but looking through lashes
Smiles start at eyes and curve around lips that part
revealing shiny white and then pink, that pink!
It's tip sliding just out of reach, so tantalisingly tender
asking to be touched and the space explored.

A pressure onto light cushions of lips
sweet, luscious and parted in invitation
Those parted lips, the entrance to divinity
teasing, tempting, creating an ache deep inside
that demands to fill the space behind.

Moonlight Fiesta

2007-05-17T07:26:00.004Z

When you're away no mice will play

No cats prowl round

Through halls and on stairs

No dogs bay at moons

No sounds do they dare

Not a scratch, not a mew
Is uttered without you.

So, come back, bring your voice
Rise up with the hoards
The animals abound
The mouse, cat and hound
All wait for your step -
They listen at the door.
So come to us
Come once more
Bring the fiesta
Bring the treats
Bring the party of lights
Bring the twilight of summer
To our winter of nights
We wait now so patient
With our paws in our laps
No wags of tails
No scratching of mats
Like good little creatures
We wait for your call
For the sound of your key
The rally to the call
Then sunshine, oh sunshine
We are back in the fray
To the warmth and the laughter
We are taken away
To sing and dance in the
Of sunshine of smiles
With squeaks and cat calls
and barks of delight
We twirl and spin until
Day becomes night
Then we dance on some more
Until the first rays of sun
Cat, mouse and hound
Are undone.
To sleep where we fall
Celebration a success
With smiles in our sleep
On our furry faces we keep
Sunshine clothes us
Bathes us fresh
In our sleep.

Empty House

2007-05-17T07:26:00.003Z

In there I kept my life, behind those walls

Where you looked in windows, peered round doors

But no more are you welcome, no more, no more.

Once you turned away there was no room to turn back

the path was too narrow and the brambles too thick

so you went on your way, walk away, walk away.

The drafts whistle through the halls and stairs

the air is chill and the rooms are bare

All closed up and quiet now, hush, hush, still.

The Days

2007-03-19T21:34:00.000Z

This place has made a liar of me
This time a time of shame
Truth get thee behind me
I know not your rightful name.

Once I was true before the darkness
The engulfing loss of love
Too pure too sharp too deep to bear
Heart sealed in a velvet glove.

The lack therein the space lies open
Waiting for the nectar to fill
Yet no more can the hole grow to whole
Than the earth be any other than still.

No Gallant Knight, no suitor fair
No offspring, neither bonny nor blithe
Can replace the gaping maw within
Or heal the pain of not seeing you alive.

So in a life half lived I view this world
A stranger looking without from within
Through a pane of seperation
Out to games I will never join in.

Deep Circle

2007-03-18T04:59:00.000Z

Come to bed with me.
I want to arrange myself upon you,
With my head rested just so.
I will inhale the scent of your chest,
Your warm smell lulling me until
My breath slows to the pace of devotion
And my consciousness slides down out of view
Until I am peace.

Remember When

2007-03-16T23:09:00.000Z

Remember when we danced through the night
Drunk and happy and eyes lit up bright.
I looked at you and my heart was sure
In a way that it could never have been before.
The room was spinning and so was my head,
But somewhere inside me a sober voice said
"This is it, its happening, I'm just so sure",
Then you twirled me around and my head span more.

That night you adored me, loved me you said
And paid me attention in the dances you led.
We stayed 'til the end, stretched the night to it's full,
Then staggered upstairs, the past to annul.
And we did, we erased, the slate was wiped clean
With kisses and and semen and all in between.
Then morning broke, cold, clear and bright,
Unlike us who were fuzzy, yet it all seemed all right.

All the barriers were gone and I saw you there
I was so amazed all I could do was stare
At this beautiful man who had opened his heart,
Grasped the nettle, took the step and let us re-start.
From tepid and tremulous to bold and impassioned
Not one minute more would our feelings be rationed.
So I remember that night and hold the memory dear,
Of the night we finally let go of our fear.

Fallen Angel

2007-02-18T15:55:00.000Z

There you are, my fallen angel
Smiling at me through turquoise eyes.
An ageless beauty surrounds you
An ancient within a child lies.

Like poles apart, we are drawn together,
No misdeeds do my actions belie.
But caught in your elegant arms' embrace,
Our breath becomes a wind of sighs.

If to turn from you would be a sin of ages,
Then to stay would seem folly indeed.
The world has our lives mapped before us
And my station in life all but decreed.

So, my sweet fallen angel, love,
our situation thus far is shown
Our souls pulled together with passion,
But our lives to be separate, alone.

Witness

2007-02-02T23:06:00.000Z

I watched you both
As you fell into each others arms
And into each others hearts.
I watched you feel your way forward
Three steps forward and two steps back;
Two tender souls tiptoeing towards one another.

Then it happened, it crashed down
In a cacophony of cross words and misconstrued barbs.
Two fortresses hastily rebuilt,
Two sets of boundaries with sentries posted night and day.
Recriminations thrown over high walls
To fall on deaf ears.

But don't forget, I saw you before.
I saw your face, I heard your voice
I listened to your words,
I watched you come into bloom with my very own eyes.
Before the wrong I saw the rightness
And I bore witness to your heart.

Turn turn turn

2007-02-02T14:00:00.000Z

As ever, personal torment prevails.

I have been put in the dog house again, not entirely sure why (lie - I have a pretty good idea why)and frankly feeling quite unrepentent about it. Fuck it, I can only be me right? What's so effing wrong with me anyway, OK that was a stupid question to which I could give you a five hundred word essay reply, but not today....

Today it is F U! I'm just a girl, standing in front of a boy, who keeps sending her to the dog house, when all she is asking him to do is love her.

The boy in question has an unnerving ability to make me clam up whenever there is an issue I want to address, how does that happen? I have a sneaking suspicion that I find it easier not to say anything or to walk away rather than have to risk an unwelcome response. Which makes it nigh on impossible to say things like 'please don't ignore me, I require lots of attention and I am not going to change' or 'If something is wrong could you just say instead of withdrawing into your shell' or 'If you don't like me that much then let's be adults and move on', you know - little things that make such a difference in a relationship. Yet I cannot make my mouth form the words or if I do my tone is of complaining child and my concerns are dismissed out of hand.

The result is that my body language, my attitude, my whole demeanor exudes tension. I can't relax, can't sleep properly, my usual easy banter disappears and I end up a dullard with nothing of any wit or interest about me. There is no warmth, no true affection, I have nothing to offer. The tension builds until I am no longer able to contain it and rather than have a normal and contstructive conversation words burst forth as a torrent of frustration, a scatter bomb of anxieties, which have to be waded through and defended against until the pressure subsides. After which there is the inevitable period of distance before a reconciliation and an opening of hearts is had.

Why do I repeat this pattern? I don't enjoy it, yet I cannot seem to change it. Inevitably there must be a toll to be paid upon any relationship that exists on these terms. I just want to talk and be heard and for a compromise to be reached. I am not asking for the stars - at least I don't think I am.

The Droplet in the River

2007-01-03T23:15:00.000Z

I had a problem and
you solved it.
Were you there?
No, but with me was your knowledge
True and seeing
Straight as an arrow.
To the heart of the matter
You take me
and I thank you,
My angel,
My River of truth.
Bless your sacred soul.

Uncomfortably Numb

2006-12-06T21:32:00.000Z

The day after you break up is always a weird day, even more so if you are the one who did the breaking. Part relieved that you have done the necessary, part sad at the ending of good times, part lonely for the lack of another being that cares for you, part anticipating the future. A day of mixed feelings that eventually become so mixed up that they cancel each other out and you trip over into unfeeling, numbness, nothing, punctuated by the odd peak of emotion that slips through the net of interference.

Today is that day for me. Last night I broke it off for the second time with The Complicated Creature, after a forty-text conversation that I would much rather have had on the phone or in person. He kept pushing until I had no choice but to answer bluntly. I did speak to him later, but it did not make it any better and I still came away feeling like an utterly two-dimensional low life who does not having the patience, desire and emotional maturity to stick at ‘it’.

Reasons against.....

1: It felt awkward sometimes after the perfect friendship that we had previously. What was supposed to be an easy transition turned into an awkward set of expectations and reservations.
2: He retreated emotionally and physically to such a distance I would think he wasn’t coming back which for me is intolerable.
3: He always felt that he was not my first choice, that I was looking for a better offer all the time 4: He felt I cared less about him when we were seeing each other than when we were friends
5: verything had to be analyzed and spoken about instead of just feeling the way we felt
6: I lacked the emotional maturity to see past or through the difficulties

Reasons for.....

1: We were (hopefully will be again) the best of friends
2: I absolutely love him
3: The other’s happiness is very important
4: He kissed beautifully

This is all just bullshit, I fucked up yet again and now I am feeling sorry for myself. No big deal, its not like this is the first time I have done this, I am becoming frighteningly adept at pissing away perfectly good relationships. I seem to be incapable of keeping myself from ditching a man. Its not that I can’t keep them, far from it, I am fabulous at that, I am just never happy, so sooner or later there will be and ‘intolerable’ something-or-other and the poor love gets the heave-ho.

What a fucked up state of being.

Time for Gin

Tata xx x

Not MFEO

2006-11-21T22:58:00.000Z

What was fallen into can be fallen out of, to slide back to where we started, to before it all began; we are friends once more. Not so bad, I guess, in fact you could say fantastic. What is so bad about having a deep and heart-felt friend who will tell you the truth, love you, support you, laugh with you, let you cry, sit and giggle over the stupidest of things, defend your honour among the other thousand things you give to each other? There is no shame, no loss in that. In fact that is a cause for celebration.

I am not celebrating though, I am mourning. Mourning a fleeting chance at something rare, so close I touched it, if only momentarily, but never managed to catch and now gone. As you said though, I never sleep, I never come, I don't fancy you, I would be settling, we've both had better lovers, you aren't in love with me and of course I am not in love with you, you don't want to be put in a box, I need to be adored, you don't match my fantasy ideal, there is too much baggage on both sides.

Yet still I mourn, why? Really! Why? Habit; perhaps I have merely grown accustomed to your face, this is a passing phase that will fade like the morning mist in the heat of the sun. When the extraneous has burned away there will remain the truth of it and we will both be able to move forward into the next stage of our lives. Perhaps loneliness; I will have yet another failure to hang about my neck, another badge of dishonour that I bear like a stain on my rotten heart. I will have to consider that I may never find my true friend, my true lover, and my counterpoint in the world.

If I think that, I am broken; no glue, no splint will heal this fracture. One soul rent apart, all hope, all light, spills out and I am gone. A body is left, a productive, a useful body that will continue its existence as if I were still here, but I am not.

The Female Condition

2006-11-09T14:07:00.000Z

I have held you for so long, so close
we have become conjoined.
now I carry you with me wherever I go
unable to detach from you, to be free.
A dragging weight around my neck
the blood in my veins, the air in my lungs.
words of poison whispered in my ear
Repeating misdemeaners to be ever refreshed
shown as new and sharp and dark
And wrong, so, so wrong.

Around inside me churns this mood
Each day brings more and worse deeds
Each day I feel heavier and slower
What if one day I can take no more?
No more lies, no more shame
no more imperfection, no more guilt?
Guilt, my true and trusted advisor.
A part of my heritage, a part of me
My female condition.

Offloading

2006-10-25T22:46:00.000Z

Unmet needs
Time to tease
slap and tickle
aim to please
Dive in, crawl out
slide over, push back
see me white
paint it black
take the blood
give it back
arch and crane
cavort and dance
see it coming
one last chance
hide and seek
your love to keep
whisper to me
your hearts desire

Nature nurture

2006-09-25T22:02:00.000Z

Looking at the two of you
Is sometimes a trick of the eye.
Do I see father and son or
Do I see you and your inner child?
When you nurture him it nurtures you
As you are healed so is he
And the bond grows ever stronger.
A bond as hard as ebony but
Like the wood it lives and bends and grows
As a living, breathing far reaching tree.
Together you thrive.

New vision

2006-09-24T10:22:00.000Z

A paradigm shift
two paces to the left and turn
Now face the other way
from disdain to lay claim
take from this world what is needed
give to this world what you offer
see the bad in the good
see the light in the dark
and all the spaces in between

Wrong side of the door

2006-09-15T12:14:00.000Z

I've been here for a while now
seen you happy,sad, angry, scared.
Sometimes only I got to see
Because you only wanted me.

I thought we were talking
But the door closed in my face.

I don't ask you to be anyone else
just come as you are
So I was surprised
When I was turned away.

I thought we were talking
But the door closed in my face

So where is your head at?
What's happening in your heart?
What's messing with your energy?
Something tells me it is me.

I thought we were talking
It seems I was wrong

Layering

2006-09-08T12:20:00.000Z

This wardrobe starts on the inside
And strays to the outside.
The layer of humour, if you are laughing you cannot ask
The layer of brashness, if I am loud you cannot be heard
The layer of fun, if I put you on my roller coaster you cannot get off
The layer of sexual allure, if I confuse your body you will not notice
The layer of dependency, if I cannot cope alone you will rescue me
The layer of agression, if you are frightened you will leave it alone
The layer of devotion, if I am needed you will keep me sweet.
Last come the layers you see, the deception is complete
An imprenetrable wall, years in the making.
When the layers are gone will there be anything left?

Taoist dance

2006-09-07T12:58:00.000Z

The Swing and the Sway
The Tao and the Te
Step away and return
Flow from without to within

The rest in the beats
The void in the notes
experience the virtue
Then slide on through

Rip It up

2006-09-01T21:46:00.000Z

In through my feet
Out through my fingers
Energy flows, explodes
Scatter bombs of light and sound.
Pulse beats out

My heart marks time

Rythym gains pace

And my body obeys.

The slave to the rythym
The swing and the sway
The mood and the passion
I am music, dance me free.

The View from There

2006-08-22T10:43:00.000Z

When people look at us what do they see?
Married with children.
For all the world a pair of prolific producers,
Out with our little hoard.
An easy companianship, forged over years,
A natural evolving of love.

When I look at us what do I see?
Our time waiting to begin.
Looking for a sign that I can unlock the box inside me,
take the hook from the catch and open the lid.
Cross my fingers and steal myself to look inside,
hoping I haven't left it too late to look.

When you look at us what do you see?
Is this the whole nine yards?
Does she want me for my money, the security,
because I'm a good lay, because I'm a nice guy?
Or will she be the yin to my yang?
Can we be each other's morning, noon and night?

Thought Process

2006-08-20T19:15:00.000Z

Its there, scratching at the edge of my thoughts
The idea, the solution, the last piece of the puzzle.
If I talk too loud or press too hard
It hides away, like a fearful child.
If I wait, if I can be subtle
It will tiptoe towards me
Clamber carefully into my lap
Wrap it's small arms around my neck
And embrace me.

Breathe me In

2006-08-14T21:12:00.000Z

Stand still and face me
Until we are the eye of the storm
The quiet before the thunderclap
The rest before the note rings clear

Be quiet and hold my hands
Feel their warmth become you
My energy flow out to you and
Make a circle between you and me

Step close enough to embrace me
Your eyes looking into mine
Your chest rising and falling in time
And breathe me in

Love By Proxy

2006-08-10T06:54:00.000Z

To you I give this woman fair
In my stead she stands so have a care
Her mind and wit, fleet as your own
Seeds of desire that I have sown

A princess you made her
But I am still the queen bee
Standing still for the world to see
That you are no more than a friend to me

When in my deepest heart recesses
A well of desire to love transgresses
Expands, spills and coalesces
Into a wedge to make the biggest of messes

Pain and anguish all abound
Her love becomes a baying hound
Crying, screaming her wounds to all
The siren sound of angst to call

You, confused, battered and then forlorn
Your delicate heart again was torn
As friend I came to rescue you
Found your heart and gave it back to you

But now we stand, an impasse is reached
A line I crossed, a taboo was breached
Though time will tell the damage done
Now my heart it cries for the wounds succumb

Quietly

2006-08-09T10:49:00.000Z

I will tiptoe into your heart
Slide silently under your skin
Sneak into your subconsious
Until on day
I am innate to you

The Big Question

2006-08-06T16:55:00.000Z

You are my rock, this I know to be definite
But are you my love rock?
Are you my buttered toast, my cat gotten cream?
Are you the having and eating of my cake?
Are you my love-rock-cake?

If I love you and give you my heart
what exactly will you do with it?
Will you treasure it, cherish it, protect it?
Or, will you take it for granted until it withers?
Is my heart safe with you?

When I am even wrinklier than now, so much so
that only true love can blind you
will it still blind me?
When we are raisins baked in the sun of years
will we still see the juicy grapes of before?

And what happens to your heart in all of this?
Do I get to see it? Can I touch it, hold it?
Can I take it home for the holidays -
it is a very responsible job.
Will you trust me to look after your heart?

Now that is a lot of questions, could take ages to answer them all,
perhaps a lifetime of time
Can you spare me that? Share it with me?
Do you have time to see
if indeed you are for me?